Amazing Home Remedies......

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with your partner about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you will be afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.
8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are: You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
11. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.
12. And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan.
13. The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you

Stand Aside my Friend.....

A guy, sitting outside his home about to be evicted from his house,was contemplating how the future would be after he had divorced hiswife, lost his children and lost his job.He notices a crate of beer bottles and walks up to it.He takes out an empty bottle, smashing it into the concrete wallswearing, "You are the reason I don' t have a wife", second bottle,"You are the reason I don't have my children", third bottle "You arethe reason I lost my job". He notices the fourth bottle is sealed andstill full of beer. He takes the bottle, puts it aside and says "Standaside my dear friend, I know you were not involved....